There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
