She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
