I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
