There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
