We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
