I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
