I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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