people are starting to question the shark bite story
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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