The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
