dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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