Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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