I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
