I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
