plz talk dirty to me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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