Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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