he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
