when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
