you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
