Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
