I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
