I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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