just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
