Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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