I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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