Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
