i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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