Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize