why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
