your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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