My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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