Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
