Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
