He uses pillows to masturbate.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize