i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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