last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
