nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
