saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
