His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I look better un-naked...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
