if i can run in heels then i can drive
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Boobs are out for the taking
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
