did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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