dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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