new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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