Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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