No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we're making bets on your personal life
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
