shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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