you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
