Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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