Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
