we have officially lost it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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