my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
