So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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