carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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