I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
