Sober January is a disaster.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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