I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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