Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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