why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
