He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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