THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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