trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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