She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
