how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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