we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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