I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
