just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
