He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize