I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
