if you like me you must not know who I am
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
