i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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