I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
