Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
