im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
