I skipped work to stalk him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
