I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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