if you like me you must not know who I am
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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